Copy and Paste

This is a bad rerun.

Just two posts ago I reflected on our having lost beloved Abby, our 14 year old rescue terrier mix. It was very hard on her companion, Toby. At 12 years old, he'd been with her for 11 years. He was so lost without her. We sometimes called him Moses because he would move so slowly, so sad and lonely.

I hope he's not sad and lonely anymore. Last Friday, early in the morning Toby died. We are still stunned.

We took him to the vet in late August. Everything looked good, no physical problems. We expected him to be with us for a couple more years. But over the last few weeks I'd begun to notice a random quivering in his back legs when he'd stand too long or put all this weight on them (as when he'd put his front feet on Danny's chair for a little me-time). It didn't last long. Danny never could see it because he was always looking at the front end. Every now and then I'd say we probably ought to take him to the vet again, but we had dropped our former vet after Abby passed and Toby's last visit was truly the last visit. 

Last week it the shaking got worse. He'd been a pretty finicky eater, especially after Abby left, but that too became worse for the last couple of days.

Last Thursday afternoon we decided to take him to the emergency hospital. Because emergencies coming in take presidence we ended up being there for 4 hours. When we left about 9:30pm Toby walked to the car. We had to wait 2 hours before we could give him any pills or food. Since he wasn't eating we had to crush them into a slurry of dog food and use a syringe to get the meds in him.

Danny laid with him on the floor outside the open door of his cage. Toby was diagnoised with a high fever, infection and enlarged spleen. About 4:30am Toby decided to move to our bathroom. We thought it must be cooler in there for him. I went back to the bed and Danny laid on the floor, rubbing little Toby. A few minutes later Danny came and told me that Toby was gone. Our hearts broke.

We are struggling with losing our two best little buddies within 5 months of each other. We got Abby in 2011 and Toby in 2013. That's a really long time. We just didn't see losing Toby now. He was getting us through losing Abby. .

The hospital had wanted to keep him a few days but the costs were outrageous. We'd brought him through other sick times with success and fully believed this would be another such moment. Now, for whatever reason, I'm glad he was home with us. He wasn't alone when it happened. He had family with him.

We are shattered. The house is so quiet. We get up and don't have to take anyone outside. No one needs feeding or grooming. We don't have to look behind our chairs to see who is laying there. It's odd to see the large size cage that held 2 little ones instead of 1 large big one it was designed for gone now. We called it their apartment. No one waits for us at the front door when we walk to the mailbox.

I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen and there's nothing TO happen. It's all done. It's over. I'm just waiting for the sorrow to lift a little so we can begin to live again. I don't doubt that we'll eventually get another companion. There are plenty of those little fur babies needing good homes. That may take a while or it may be soon. I'm sure God will let us know when it's the right time.

I should mention that we do still have the (formerly) feral cat. Knowing Abby was getting up in age and it would only be a matter of time we kept Pepper after someone dropped her out so she would be a buddy for Toby after Abby passed. Pepper absolutely adored Toby and stuck to his side even when he didn't want her there. Her vet even said she thinks she's a dog. She misses Toby very much. Every morning when I let her in she bee-lines to where the cage used to be, to check if Toby is back. Pepper is just not the same as having our Abby and Toby around. But we'll continue to keep her. It's only fair. Who knows? Maybe some day she'll be a bit friendlier. She's already gravitating to Danny somewhat.

Just writing this helps me. Thanks for listening.