It's almost 5am. I get up early because it's quiet and I feel like I have so much that needs to be done. Working every other day makes it so I never quite get enough time to get into doing anything before I have to stop and get ready to leave. In other words by the time I get sorted and figure out where I was when I stopped before I have to stop again. So I have taken to getting up early and it gives me more time at one time.
When I got home yesterday Lindsey had finished moving out all her things from her room. The room is empty, the walls are no longer wallpapered with posters. All that remains is a bazillion holes where the pins were. There is nothing black in there at all. It seems so strange.
I am trying to not be sad at seeing my last child go. I am trying to experience a joy that my job is done (and in reality, has been for some time). I am focusing on a new beginning for me and Danny, instead of seeing a sad ending. I know Lindsey will enjoy her new home and being on her own and of course not having to spend so much time driving back and forth. She never had that incredible tie to the land like I do.
Melissa, on the other hand, is moved and not moved. She has pretty much been living away from home ever since she left for college. She just never returned for any length of time other than a weekend. It's just that she still has all her things in her room, admittedly what's left are things that she doesn't need elsewhere in any kind of critical fashion - some clothes, tv, desk, sofa-bed, things she uses while here. Someday when she gets her own place and is no longer living in a dorm she will take what is left and finalize. Sort of like dotting the "i."
I'm really so proud of both of my daughters. They are fine young women with good work ethics, a lot of determination, intelligent and beautiful. What more could you ask for? I pray for them everyday to be safe and successful in this turbulent world.
No matter how far they go, what they do, or whom they meet they will always have a little corner of haven in Blackwater.
